Lately, I have been thinking about the concept of identity.
Identity is an extremely powerful force. For good and ill. Things we associate with our identity are the things that we hold most core to who we are. Recently, it seems like most of the discussion around identity has been negativing. It is looked at as a source for partisanship and tribalism.
But we shouldn’t underestimate identity potential as a force for good either.
Britney Runs a Marathon
I watched Britney Runs a Marathon a few days ago. The movie is a true story about a woman trying to get their life together and using the New York City Marathon as their motivating goal. After many ups and downs along the way, Brittney achieves her goal (I feel comfortable sharing this spoiler since it is literally the title of the movie). Watching the movie it struck me that the key to her success was how she changed her identity. At the beginning of the movie, she accepted being overweight as simply “who she was”. She was never going to achieve anything and would just coast through life because she was a lazy screw-up.
After being faced with some hard truths she decided to take action by starting to run. This was the keystone habit that helped her get other aspects of her life in order like getting a new job, investing in healthy friendships, and being open to positive romantic relationships. It all revolved around her habit of running. I love that the movie didn’t glamorize her taking the initial step to get going. She didn’t listen to pump up music or watch a motivational youtube video before she got started. She didn’t buy herself brand new workout clothes or running shoes agreeing that she would get started once she looked the part.
She took action.
She put on a ratty sweater and was able to run just 1 block.
But she stuck with it. She put one foot in front of the other and eventually she started seeing progress.
The movie perfectly mirrors Jeff Haden’s framework for motivation (great explainer video).
Motivation is not a spark that ignites the fires of your genius. It is the outcome of taking action.
As Brittney started to make progress her identity changed. She wasn’t someone who went out all the time and got wasted. She was someone who ate healthily and exercised. This was her new self-identity and it was what gave her the motivation to keep going.
My Marathon
This movie really resonates with me and some of my personal journey.
I have always struggled with my weight. Psychologically as much as physically.
I’ve been some level of short and stout for the entirety of my teenage and adult life. I played sports and exercised growing up, but I was always on the heavier side of things. Sometimes in a healthy way, but often in a very unhealthy way. There have been stretches where I made really good progress on my weight/health, but I never really built long-term sustainable habits and so I would inevitably back slide.
This time is different though.
The Last Year
Instead of going 0 to 100 on some unsustainable diet or workout plan, I have slowly been building up healthy habit on top of healthy habit over the past year. I have been focused on sustainable lifestyle change and falling in love with the process of being healthy instead of being overly focused on the goals/outcomes I am working towards.
And most of all I have been consciously working on changing how I think of myself.
How I view my identity.
It started last year at a summer reunion with my college buddies. We rented out a lake house for a long weekend where the usual debauchery, hilarity, and fun times ensued. One of the big surprises for the trip was seeing a friend I hadn’t seen in years who had gotten in really good shape and lost a bunch of weight. He looked great and I found myself thinking “if he can do it why can’t I?’
The first thing I started doing when I got back was trying to establish a good workout routine (I wrote about it last labor day). Instead of trying to do something that didn’t come naturally and that I didn’t enjoy (running) I refocused my efforts on doing something that I did enjoy more (weight lifting). (Side note: Since quarantine struck I have since started running more and even started to enjoy it. A bit). Over time, I was able to get in a really great workout habit where I now work out every day before work. Just like Brittney, motivation came from action and not the other way around. I used an app called Fitbod as an AI Personal Trainer. This allowed me to track my progress on all of my weights. The more I worked out, the more progress I would see, and the more I was motivated to continue working out.
Over the course of six months, I built a really solid workout habit but I wasn’t losing any weight. I was building muscle, but I was still eating as terribly as ever. Around the holidays I decided to make a change and started trying to eat healthier. I didn’t want to do a diet that wouldn’t work. I just wanted to focus on eating simple meals with lots of greens and minimal carbs/processed food.
Instead of just hoping that it would work I put some structure around it to measure my progress.
I started weighing myself every day (This scale makes it a breeze to track). Once a week I would also measure my waist, stomach, chest, and arms so I could track my progress in those areas as well. This really paid off because of how weird any progress journey is.
On the weeks where I had plateaued a bit on my weight, I was often able to see progress on my measurements and visa versa.
Weighing myself also had the benefit of shortening the feedback loop on my eating. The hard part about eating healthy is that eating something bad for you feels good immediately and you only see the negative results over time. The inverse is true for healthy eating.
By weighing myself every day I had a much quicker feedback loop. If I ate like crap, I would see it on the scale and I could make sure to eat better the next day.
This ability to recalibrate and adjust daily had a hugely beneficial impact. Without going on a diet or changing my exercise routine I was able to lose 15 lbs over the course of 3 months. Just by weighing myself every morning.
At this point, I started to plateau a bit more. In an effort to jumpstart my progress again I started using an app called Noom. Since starting that app I have lost another 15ish lbs and am really feeling good about my progress again.
Noom has helped me in a few ways.
It gives me skin in the game. Noom isn’t free. It costs something like $30 a month. This act of paying for it has really helped me commit to using it. If I don’t I feel like I am wasting money.
The app is focused on the psychology of building healthy sustainable habits. It is not a dieting app. No foods are off-limits. It is about building self-awareness to understand why you act in certain ways and to shine a light on the thought distortions we have. Things like telling ourselves that we will never be in good shape. Or throwing up our arms and saying what is the point if we have one stumble eating something we shouldn't.
Most importantly the app has made tracking my food easy. This has been something I have tried before but have never been able to stick with. Noom makes it super easy to use and it really helps me to be accountable for what I am eating. It helps me be aware of what is healthy and what isn’t (when you start tracking your food you quickly learn how many foods that are marketed as being healthy are actually anything but!). So far I have been tracking my food after the fact, but I am working on trying to track my food before I eat a single bite to increase my awareness of what I am about to put into my body (instead of learning about it after the fact).
The Power of Identity
I know this has been a bit of a long-and-winding-road of a post. Talking about my weight is pretty personal and I wanted to provide a window into the journey. So how does this bring us back to identity?
I am feeling really good about the progress I have made so far, but I know that I have a long way to go. I want to keep building on the healthy habits that I have nurtured and continue to design a sustainable and healthy lifestyle for myself.
I think the biggest part of this going forward will be changing aspects of my self-identity. Just like Brittney, I used to think that I would never be in good shape. That I was lazy and that my body was something out of my control. Now I am healthier than I have been in almost a decade. And let me tell you, I am loving stomping around in my old arsenal jerseys that I haven’t fit into since freshman year of college.
In addition to relying on the Action -> Progress -> Motivation loop to help solidify identity change, I have written out some affirmations of how I view myself. Some of these are aspects of my identity that have always been there. Others are new. Others are a bit more aspirational and things that I am actively working towards.
Here they are.
My chosen identity:
I am a life-long learner
I eat healthily and enjoy eating simple meals
I exercise regularly. I love being active and I am at my best only after I have exercised
I love being outdoors and doing fun things outside
I have value not because of what I do or achieve but because of who I am. I am a child of God created in his image and as such my value is infinite. Just like everyone else's.
I enjoy being spontaneous and trying new things
I prioritize my family over my career
I am process-oriented and focused on internalizing my goals by trying my best and surrendering the outcomes
I am slow to anger and don't let things get to me. I take life as it comes and don't sweat things that are out of my control
I am a writer and enjoy honing my craft by writing weekly through my blog
I am a bridge builder and I seek to find commonalities instead of differences
I am encouraging and empathetic towards others
I am humble and low-ego. I am as at home talking to a janitor or a CEO
I am confident and willing to fight for what I believe is right
I am a master of staying in touch with people and I am happy to go the extra mile to maintain a relationship that is important to me
I go first. I introduce myself first and invite people first. I am open and I break down awkwardness and barriers.
I work hard and productively on things I care about
I happily do nice things for Caitlyn and help her out around the house as a way of showing her how much I care
I act ethically in all things I do. I don't take shortcuts and I don't compromise on my morals
Our identity has so much power.
It has the power to propel us forward and the power to hold us back. The power to divide us and the power to bring us together. What is often missed in discussions about identity is that our identity is malleable. For most of us, it is the outcome of our life’s circumstances.
But it doesn’t have to be.
As with most things in life, at the heart of our identity lies a choice.
So what identity will you choose for yourself?
If you have thoughts on this post leave a comment below or reach out to me on twitter @abergseyeview where my DMs will forever be open.
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